Category Archives: Football

Michigan State

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Michigan State

Michigan State

It’s good to see Ann Arbor supporting the Spartans, in its own way. I know that it is a tough concept to get your head around, but their support is there, if you know how to look for it. We’ll need the whole state pulling for us against Alabama tonight. They’re a tough team.

It seems passing strange to me to still be rooting for an institution that for the past forty years, I have had little involvement with. I mean, I’ve followed MSU over the years, but I haven’t been back there since graduation. Still, that involvement occupied a special time in my life, a formative time. Maybe nostalgia plays a part in this sense of loyalty? It is hard to say. Still, I have to root for someone and I can’t think of a better choice than my ole alma mater. Go give me a GREEN and give me a WHITE and let’s all cheer for victory for MSU!

Psychic Readings

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Psychic Readings

Psychic Readings

Psychic, psychotic, psyched, take your pick, I’m going with psyched, as in I’m really psyched about Michigan State’s chances tonight, but if things don’t go all that well for the Spartans, then I might end up experiencing a psychotic episode. That would not be good. I would be all nervous, jittery and crazy eyed, like Jimmy Stewart gets in It’s a Wonderful Life. That movie is on tonight and will be our go to emergency escape route if thing do go south tonight for State in the Big Ten Championship, but I have a feeling. Call me psychic if you want, but I have a premonition that MSU will pull a win out of its hat, in one of those fantastic last minute finishes that have marked all the other important football games so far this season. Consider that prediction as your psychic reading.

Game Day

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Mighty Athena

Mighty Athena

Game day, the Vols versus the Dores or in the vernacular, the Tennessee Volunteers versus the Vanderbilt Commodores. The goddess Athena is sporting her U of T colors from inside her command bunker in the Nashville Parthenon. I guess that makes her a bit of a traitor. She’s not quite yellow, not quite gold and not really orange either, but more of a Tennessee Tangerine. The day began with breakfast at a French crepes place, followed by the East Tennessee History Museum and then Michigan football on TV at Barley’s, a sports bar, along with beer and pizza. Michigan lost, as did Purdue, but Michigan State won! Now, as my ticket commands, “I will give my all for Tennessee today!” Who also won easily.

Another Round of Prickly Politics

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Golden Ball Cactus

Golden Ball Cactus

Good evening folks, if you are joining us here late at CNN’s Political Sports Center, tonight’s big game of political football is already underway. The Republican presidential field just took the field here in Simi Valley Stadium, promising to, “Win one for the Gipper.” In early action, the Washington Hopefuls won the coin toss and elected to receive. On the kickoff, receiver John Kasich was injured and taken off the field when after signaling for a fair catch, he was hit from behind by his own teammate, Ted Cruz. Afterwards, Cruz was heard to yell, “How do you like them apples, Johnny? That was for Lehmann Brothers.” Cruz was flagged with a personnel foul for un-sportsmanlike conduct and ejected from the game. As he was leaving, Cruz was heard to complain, “I do not like green eggs and ham.” Let’s take a break here for change of possession and show you nice people some delicious political commercials.

Trump, Trump, Trump, Trumpeting Trump!
Trump, Trump, Trump, Trumpeting Trump!
Trump, Trump, Trump, Trumpeting Trump!

Welcome back folks to our live broadcast, we’re ready for the first snap of the game. The Hopefuls have the ball and it is first-and-ten on their one-yard line. They have a long way to go to get it over the goal line. Chris Christie snaps the ball to the Donald. Trump steps back into the pocket and drills Carly Fiorina right in the face. She’s down on the field now. Kindly old Doctor Ben Carson trots in from the sidelines, followed by chief water boy, Marco Rubio. I hope that we are not looking at another one of Rubio’s aquatic fiascos here. While Fiorina is down on the field, let’s take another break.

Give me the D. D! Give me the O. O! Give me the N. N! Give me the A. A! Give me the L. L! Give me the other D. D! What’s that spell? THE DONALD!

They’ve just carted Carly off the field and play is ready to resume. Christie finally snaps and explodes in a fiery nuclear inferno. Which is sort of what he promised. Trump hands the ball off to Jeb! Bush slowly saunters towards the line of scrimmage. He really is a low-energy person. Rand Paul can’t stand it any longer and rushes Bush, stripping him of the ball. Paul then proceeds to run back and forth across the field, attempting to filibuster the game and run the clock out. But it is all just an act to influence the Patriots or maybe just Tom Brady. He ends up tripping on his shoelaces, falling at the second yard line and poking his eye out with the pointy part of the ball. It is third-and-nine. Mike Huckabee calls time and beseeches the crowd for a moment of silent prayer for Kim Davis. Ignoring him, Trump takes a knee for third down and the other knee for fourth down, prays to himself and declares himself winner of the debate. I mean game. He is the last man left on the field. Well folks, that’s all we have time for here tonight. See you all next time, next month. As the crowd files out of Simi Valley Stadium, Scott Walker is almost heard to ask, “What about me?”

Jour de la Marmotte

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Interesting Light Fixture in Seattle's Pikes Market

Interesting Light Fixture in Seattle’s Pikes Market

Today is Groundhog Day and Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, predicting six more months of torture for Pete Carroll, the Seattle Seahawks head coach. Why did he have to call for that pass play that got intercepted in the final minute of the game? Did he really believe that Marshawn Lynch couldn’t have punched the ball in from the one yard line? After all, he would have had three tries available to him to do just that and win the game. In addition to Groundhog Day, today is also the Monday after the Super bowl and just so happens to be the day that more Americans call in sick on, than on any other day of the year. This absenteeism wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Super bowl Sunday is the worst day of the year for healthy eating in America, or that it is the day with the second highest consumption of beer in America, would it? Unlike some of my colleagues, I made it into work today, through a dusting of oobleck. Now that the Super bowl is behind us, can’t we dispense with the rest of winter? How many more weeks are there until spring training?