Thou Shalt Not Park Here
Bring out your dead, but I’m not dead yet and fortunately, no one I know is either. I texted Dave the last of our clan to check-in yesterday and he is now sheltering with Maren, which is with fewer people than at his place. With that bit of Coronavirus news out of the way, let’s move on to happier topics. OBTW, this no parking sign was found out side the Catholic church in Cruz Bay, on St. John’s island. Parking in this area was always a mess, but I appreciated the church’s attempt to interject some levity.
How about a few jokes?
- Did you hear the joke about the Ebola virus? You won’t get it. ¹
- Did you hear the joke about the Corona virus? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around. ²
- A bear and a rabbit were sitting on a log taking a dump. The bear turned to the rabbit and asked, does shit stick to your fur? After a thought, the bunny answered no and then the bear picked up the rabbit and whipped his butt. ³
I probably shouldn’t be footnoting “my” jokes, because it smacks of explaining them, which is generally a bad idea that usually kills the humor.
- I heard this joke during the Ebola scare from a co-worker. I told this joke later to Dan’s friend, Jenny, who is a sand-up comedian. She really liked it and wanted to know where I had gotten it. I think that she had hoped that it originated with me and that I would let her use it in her act.
- This joke I just got off the internet.
- This joke was told to me years ago, by my brother Frank.
Gutenberg’s Puzzle, Lloyd G. Schermer, 2006,
Under the motto “to err is human, to correct divine,” embedded into the white tiled walls of the men’s room in the Newseum are past newspaper headlines that don’t read as intended. Collected by the Columbia Journalism Review these headlines that don’t mean what they say and corrections that admit embarrassing errors are the best of bathroom graffiti. I’ve collected some of them below:
- Solar system expected to be back in operation – Libertyville Herald 3.15.78
- Collene Campbell champions the rights of murder victims after being one herself more than once – The Orange County Register 9.30.01
- Chief Blue, the last full-blooded Catawba Indian Chief died in 1959. The Evening Herald incorrectly said Wednesday that he died three years ago due to a reporting error. – Evening Herald (Rock Hill, SC) 9.2.76
- Deer Kill 130,000 – The Minneapolis Tribune 12.7.67
- Babies are what the mother eats – The Times-Herald 7.11.64
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge – Milford Citizen 7.12.82
- Ford, Reagan Neck in Presidential Primary – Ethiopian Herald 2.24.76
- Defendant’s speech ends in long sentence – Minneapolis Tribune 2.25.81
- Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One – Albuquerque Journal 12.26.84
- Editors’ Note: A mistake made by a transcription service mangled a quotation from William Bennett in Michael Kelly’s July 17th Letter from Washington. In criticizing the political views of Patrick Buchanan, Mr. Bennett said “it’s a real us-and-then kind of thing,” not, as we reported, “it’s a real S & M kind of thing.” – The New Yorker 8.14.95
This Could Be Awkward
What to do when a hundred pounds of blubber and bone comes streaking towards you, right at your nether parts? Why panic, of course. Don’t worry though, because no seals or humans were harmed in the making of this photograph. It is all an optical illusion. The seal is actually swimming away from the seated people, whose reflections make it look as if a collision is imminent. It is just one of those odd photos that no one notices until later.
Dave and Dan in Brooklyn
I’m sure that I don’t deserve it, but yesterday, Anne called me a varlet and a pincock. On our anniversary, I might add. She was searching for new expletives and she didn’t want to sound like her mother. (Well, I’m certainly not going to touch that last part.) A varlet in modern usage is simply a valet and if she want’s to walk all over me and treat me like a common servant, well, who am I to say no? But in Shakespearian English, a varlet is a despicable man, which is not what I am. I don’t even recall why she went down this path. As I’ve said, I’m sure that I don’t deserve this. But if she want’s to call me a varlet then so be it. It’s water off this duck’s back.
What I do take exception to is pincock, which isn’t even an expletive, although it certainly sounds like one. The only references I could find on Google was as a family name. If you ask me, this opens up a whole new can-of-worms for those people, but that’s not at all germane here. To put it in a more modern context, for you tech savvy readers out there in internet-land, it’s like she’s giving a one-star Yelp review of me in bed. This isn’t fair, because as the reader can plainly see, there are two fruits from our once blissful marriage. So, I think that I deserve at least a two-star Yelp review. Continuing with this pseudo technology, fake sex diatribe, all this repudiation of me, just makes me feel micro-soft.
On Te Voit, Ken Meaux
On the day before we set off on our bicycles for Cycle Zydeco, we explored Lafayette, LA. First, we went downtown, where the setup for the town’s zydeco music festival was well underway. We also found the Acadian Cultural Center, a national monument, on the outskirts of town. In its museum, which celebrated the history of Cajun culture were artifacts from colonial times to the present. I particularly enjoyed the etymology of the word Cajun.
- L’Acadie – French colony in eastern Canada, now Nova Scotia
- Acadien – Resident of Acadie. Exiled by the British, many eventually resettled in southern Louisiana.
- Cadien – Simplified pronunciation of Acadien. Often applied to other Louisiana French cultures as well.
- Cajun – English language pronunciation. Used for any descendant of Louisiana’s French-speaking melting pot.
Acadian Cultural Center
In other news, I fixed the Prius! It wasn’t exactly a monumental endeavor, but I am rather proud of my achievement. On our trip to Florida, the rear passenger window was smashed in a break-in. We got the window fixed on the road, but later, we discovered that you couldn’t open that door from the inside. It wasn’t the child safety locks. I had contemplated taking the Prius into the dealer to get it fixed, but I knew that would be expensive. What got me started was cleaning the car. Comparing both rear interior door handles, the tension on the one that didn’t work was noticeably less than the one that worked. I went on YouTube U and struck gold on the very first video. It explained how to take the door’s interior trim off. It also explained how to disconnect the interior door handle from the door latch. It uses an arrangement similar to bicycle cables. When I watched that part, I was convinced that that was the problem. Sure enough, I was right. It ended up being only a fifteen minute job that cost me nothing.