As we bid good bye to 2020—don’t let the door hit you on the way out! We look forward to it leaving. After its departure, we also look forward to happier times ahead in the year to come. As you can see, I’ve been having a bit of fun. Although Photoshop was involved, the main engine of creation was a new phone app called Motion Leap by Light Tricks. In true marketing fashion these two two-word names are really each one word, smashed together, but my spell checker likes it better when they are written out the long way. I downloaded the app for free, which comes with a limited set of features, but you can purchase more, if you so choose. To use it, you start with a photo. The app calls this type of visual effect dispersion. These effects conjure thoughts of losing one’s mind. As in, I have half a mind to give you a piece of my mind, but then I wouldn’t have anything left. But I prefer to skip the whole dementia themed track and take the higher road and think happy thoughts. Why worry? Be happy! I have no idea why Anne’s photo is all bouncy. I imagine that I had inadvertently triggered some in-app feature, but it could just be her naturally buoyant personality. I’ll leave it for you to decide on your own.
Yesterday, we did a variation on our neighborhood walk. As per usual, we crossed Clayton Road, but instead of heading east towards Forest Park, we headed northwest to downtown Clayton here in Saint Louis. Home of the county seat, it looks and functions like a second downtown. It is home to banks, banks and more banks and as such is always a ghost town on a Sunday afternoon, even in non-pandemic times. In the middle of a pandemic, it made for the perfect venue to get out and about and remain socially distant. It was warmer than the day before, but the sky was mostly gray and there was a bit of a breeze, making it feel cooler, as it whistled among the downtown skyscrapers.
As we wandered among the silver towers that adorn Clayton’s downtown, Anne clued me into a controversy going on about us. The CEO of Centene, a health insurance company, after having just completed another one of its sterling colored office towers, has recently announced that his company would hold-off on building a third one, due to the crime problem in Saint Louis. Say, what? We were walking past their newest completed building, Centene Tower C, at the time. In general, crime in Saint Louis is a problem, but not so much in Clayton. I think that this CEO was casting aspersions to cover up his own colossal business decisions. I’m sure that a global pandemic, and its resulting repercussions pale in effect to crime in Saint Louis. The fact that this same pandemic has spawned a work from home revolution, could that be of more import? No, it’s crime, definitely crime in Clayton that is the problem.
‘Twas the night before… Wait, wrong holiday. Can’t go there yet. Today, on all Thanksgiving’s eve… Don’t even! Oh, well… Tomorrow is a national holiday, but I am afraid that amongst its calendar neighbors, it has become a bit lackluster of late and this year, 2020, hasn’t been particularly kind to the whole giving thanks department. Gone are the days of Pilgrim’s pride, which were vastly overrated, if you ask me, in my not quite so humble opinion. We want to change all that. Humaning you holiday is our purpose driven goal.
We here at Regenaxe, Federer & Smith would like to offer you our outstretched and sanitized hand. Sure, we hail from Madison Avenue, but we’re not going to tell you how to enjoy your Thanksgiving by dumping a whole pile of corporate jargon monoxide on top of you. We would much rather spoon feed our pabulum.
Hi, I’m Mark and I would like to be your storyteller for tonight. By storytelling, I mean story-doing. Humaning the whole hyper-telling process for you, drawing you in, making my vision yours, so that we can act out our solutioning together.
Apropos of nothing, have you ever noticed that you can create one new and really interesting word, by hyphening two rather plain and ordinary words together? Plus, the spellchecker doesn’t care that you’ve just created a new word out of thin air. I call that a win-win. Now, I’m just spit-balling here, but the game of Scrabble has these two blank tiles that until you lose a letter or two can be played as any letter that you want, but why just limit yourselves to the original twenty-six? I say let them also be hyphens. What possibilities! I hope as you scroll through this post that you find this idea as thumb-stopping as I have.
But I digress. We here at RFS want to make your holiday meal as tasty, convivial and safe as it can possibly be. Let me enumerate, first tasty. We offer a wide selection of purpose-driven lifestyle brands (Blue Apron, Chipotle, Goop, Godiva, etc.) that are prepared to lead you on a delightful customer journey to the dinner table. Just don’t eat the Goop. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it is much better for you when applied externally. Think of it as an after-dinner spa treatment. There I go again, second. After you’ve first lifted that fork and taken that first bite of our truly scrumptious snackable content, wouldn’t it be so nice to be able to look around the table and see all of your friends and family smiling back at you? Let’s get Phygital! Building on current Zoom technology, we can offer you our [insert TLA² here] app. Through your phone, and with our app, you can enjoy a convivial and safe supper, with all your love-ones, virtually. Better than real life, it comes with a mute button for Uncle Fred.
This concludes my elevator pitch and just in time, because we have just arrived at your floor, the penthouse. I hope that I have been able to convey to you some of the warmth, the brand heat that we feel for you. Now enter, your party awaits you, have a nice time and have a happy and safe Thanksgiving holiday.
Isn’t it often true in life that there is really only one clear choice? That’s the way I feel and I hope that you do too. We are now one week out from Election Day. We’ve come a long way to get here, but at a week out, it still feels like we have a long way yet to go. I’m not going to argue here for or against either the Republicans or the Democrats. People who know me, know where I stand. For those who don’t know me check my Twitter feed to the right that will give you a clue. I’m not going to come down here against partisanship, either on the left or the right. Quite the contrary, I embrace the partisan divide. Love your enemy and all that. There are some very fine people on both sides. If I’m going to rail here against anything, anyone, I’ll rail against the proverbial undecided voter.
What is with you people, you fence-sitters, you mugwumps? Can’t you make up your minds? Conservatively this election’s campaign has been going on since the day after the last Presidential election, some four years ago or haven’t you noticed? Have you been living under a rock, just returned from outer space or been in a coma for the last four years? On the oft chance that you have been aware of the ongoing campaign, but still can’t decide between the candidates, let’s compare and contrast. Granted that both candidates are pale, male and stale, but they have totally different political philosophies and temperaments. The choice could not be anymore distinct.
The problem here is not the candidates, not the system, it is you. Did your mom not love you enough as a child? Do you crave the attention? Is your name Ken Bone? Whatever the reason, time is running out for you. In a week you can’t be an undecided voter anymore. You will either be a voter or not. So, decide.
Hey Chad, how’s it hanging? Want to come hangout with me? Hi, I’m a cute, young and highly desirable poll worker and I really want you, more particularly, I want your vote. I’m available all day, on say the first Tuesday in November? Does this work for you? No appointment is necessary. Please, just drop by my precinct. I would luv for you to stuff my ballot box. Hee-Hee. I don’t know which way you like to swing, Republican, Democrat or even Independent? I’m easy, any of them works for me. I can hardly wait to get you alone in the voting booth.
I live alone with my Grandma, who I dearly love, but she is really strict. She never lets me go out. She is the one that got me into being an election official. She’s been doing it for centuries. She started dragging me along with her after this one time, this one election, when I, well let’s not go into that. It was really boring hanging out all day with a bunch of old people, while even more old people shuffled-in and shuffled-out all day. I never did much there, but she liked it, because she could keep an eye on me. But see now there is this Covid thing going on and it really does a number on old people. So, I say, Grandma you should stay home this election. I can do the work at the polls for you. I’ll be safe, you’ll be safe and you will know where I am all day, win-win, and she bought it!
Lets party! I got a bunch of my gurls to join me. I put together a great team, all except for this one. She goes to Michigan and wants to get all political. Says like it is our civic duty or something. Please! I tried beating her off, but she’ll be there. Still, I have a great crew working those poles for you. So, let’s get down! You’re not going to leave me hanging are you? Chad, can I count your vote?
—Thanks for the card, Carl!