We awoke to the rat-a-tat-tat of falling hail. Never a good sign, this was not an auspicious start to today’s unsettled weather. I listened to it fall. Then I got up to see if I could see it, but it was already gone. I spied the dark storm clouds, where the hail had come from, which had already passed to the east. According to forecasts this storm was only the warmup event. The main event is due this PM and it is expected to be bad. These are the same storms that have already ravaged parts of Oklahoma. It has almost been a year since last May’s tornado visited us. People here are still cleaning up after that storm. No one can know what will happen. That’s why this afternoon; I will be weather aware. When the sirens begin to wail, I’ll turn on the TV and watch my favorite weathermen do their rain dance in front of their glowing green screens and hope that the really bad stuff, either swerves to the north or the south and doesn’t pass overhead.

I went to the grocery store, which was a zoo, because this is Saint Louis and weather is happening. In checkout Frank, my other brother called me. His undies were all in a bunch, because California wants to withhold 3.33% on the sale of the house to cover capital gains taxes. We are inheritors, so there shouldn’t be any taxes, but using their form it wasn’t clear how to express this. I figure let them withhold and next year, when we file our taxes, we’ll get our money back. He was not very happy about this idea. Returning home, I barely beat the oncoming storms, which weren’t due for a couple more hours. It looks like they will be coming in waves. It is going to be a long day, followed by night. 

The wind began to switch, the house to pitch
And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch
Just then the witch, to satisfy an itch
Went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.
— Wizard of Oz

First the outdoor sirens wailed and then our phones began to scream. Dueling storm alarms. Checking my weather radar app, yep, we were dead center in the middle of a red box, a tornado box. Turned the TV on and tuned in Scott and Lance, the dancing KSDK weathermen. Both standing in front of their matching green screens, ready to gesticulate wildly at the approaching storm. Long story short. There was a tornado. It wasn’t much and it didn’t last long. Those of us in the path of this phantom tornado were not even advised to go to the basement. For this event, our safe space extended to the couch in front of the television.

Never mind that this storm’s track was following the same path as last year’s real and devastating tornado of less than a year ago. The evening news time arrived, and the anchor and his trusty sports boy were chaffing to begin. So, Scott and Lance packed in their green screens and slunk back into their regular time slot. Don’t worry folks, it is still only April. There is still time left for more.