Yesterday, we got shot. Anne got three, but I only got two. Anne got the flu shot, the new Covid booster and an RSV shot. Immunizing her from this winter’s expected tridemic. You need a script for the RSV shot. Anne called into the doctor and got one. I’m scheduled to see my doctor in a week, so I plan on handling it when I see him and then I will be fully vaccinated too. My arm is a little sore, but it is nowhere near as bad as all of the aches and pains that I am feeling today from last Friday’s Gyro class. Amber alert! When Anne goes to Boston in a few weeks, it will be just me and Amber. I hope that I can survive, but I am doubtful that I will.
Bitches get stitches,
They end up in ditches,
So, get the riches.
— Blood on the Dance Floor
Well, I guess that I’m the bitch here. Yesterday, I got into a knife fight with an avocado and lost. I was fixing avocado toast as I have many times before. I tried to spear the pit, which slipped and ended up slicing my pinky instead. With a new extra sharp knife. We got a bleeder! Eventually, Anne was able to get a bandage on the wound that pretty much staunched the blood. She finished making lunch and afterwards we walked together to the local urgent care. I got three stitches. The doctor there said that he gets a lot of business that involved avocados. They are a very dangerous fruit. Or maybe I am too old now to try being hipster cool by making avocado toast. He recommended some sort of “safe” plastic device for preparing avocados. In the future, I think that I will just be more careful.
Yesterday, in other health news, the Missouri Department of Health tweeted the above message. Talk about underselling their mission. So, I guess it has been zero days since Missouri was a national embarrassment.
This post is not about child endangerment or even prehistoric sap. The Amber here is our Gyrotonics instructor. She is a nice person and I really do appreciate what she is doing for us, but as with any physical therapy there is a love-hate relationship between the therapist and their patient. I love how her working with me is helping to improve my health, but I hate how I feel after one of her classes.
For the uninitiated, Gyrotonics is like Pilates, or so I have been told. I have never actually done Pilates, so I am making that statement on faith. The main difference between the two, at least to me seems to be that Gyrotonics employs medieval instruments of torture that look like they might have been designed by a Nordic Track purveyor. Each Gyrotonics tower is equipped with a series of pullies that are attached to weights. So, it is basically weight training, with the addition of stretching. “Elongate your spine.” “Shoulders down!” “Head up.” “Now, arch and curl your back.” You get the idea.
Lately, I have developed a lower backache. Some might say that I am a pain in the butt, but this is my personal pain in the butt. Sometimes the pain makes it difficult to do one of our long walks together. I do not know if there is any cause and effect between Gyrotonics and this back pain, but it is usually worse after a session. A couple of weeks ago, I took an Aleve (Naproxen Sodium) before our class, as a prophylactic. I have used this drug in the past and besides some stomach distress it has always been without other side effects. This time I had a mild allergic reaction. It was not bad, but it was bad enough that I did not accompany Anne to the studio. When Anne got there all alone, one of our former instructors exclaimed, “Amber, you killed one of them.”
I guess that joke alone, lets you know that we are not exactly at the top of the curve. This is somewhat disheartening when looking around at some of the other patrons of the Gyrotonics lab. Anyway, I was back there this week and afterwards I did not feel my back anywhere near as much as I had before. I guess that I will have to add Aleve to the banned substance list though. This is unfortunate since it is quite effective at dealing with muscle pain. I will just have to keep on trucking without it, because like a shark, if I stop moving, I will die.
Doctors sometimes use the expression “no code,” which refers to the doctor jargon term “code,” short for Code Blue, an alert to a hospital’s resuscitation team. If a patient does want to be resuscitated, their code status may be listed as Full Code, which is the opposite of DNR or Do Not Resuscitate. I only mention this because yesterday, I had my annual Medicare physical. A Medicare physical is different than a normal physical primarily because of the questions that are asked: “Have you fallen recently?” “How many times have you fallen?” “Is anyone hurting you?” “Are you feeling sad?” “How do you feel?” Anyway, this time around I could fill out their questionnaire online, before my appointment. One subject that the questionnaire did not cover was end of life arrangements. This was the second time that my physician asked be about this subject and since I had not done anything, he took the initiate and checked me off as Full Code. To justify this action, he explained that “At your age you are likely to bounce back after almost anything.” Good to know.