Wordplay

California Poppies

I’m a sucker for wordplay. Here’s a few from a list that I found on Buzzfeed:

  • The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense. 
  • Hyphenated, non-hyphenated, how ironic.
  • i before e, except when your foreign neighbor Keith received eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird.
  • Doctor: I’m afraid that you have onomatopoeia.
    Patient: Oh no! What is that?
    Doctor: It’s exactly what it sounds like.
  • What if women had apostrophes instead of periods?
    They’d be even more possessive and prone to contractions.
  • Teacher: Name two pronouns.
    Student: Who? Me?
  • Let’s eat Grandma.
    Let’s eat, Grandma.
    Commas save lives.
  • An oxymoron walked into a bar and the silence was deafening.
  • Today, I will be as useless as the “g” in lasagna.
  • A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.
  • I’m so adjective, I verb nouns.