Seeking Peace through AI Slop

Standing Buddha – The poise, benign expression and gracefully draped robe with delicate floral trim attest to the high quality of this Buddha sculpture.
WordPress AI Generated Standing Buddha

Unlike our regular home in the Lou, here at the cabin, it is quiet and still at night. No skittering of rodents here like in years past, just the occasional cycling of the fridge. Lying awake, trying to fall asleep there is nothing to prevent me from doing so except for the hamster wheel whirling in my brain. It is often tempting to reach out and seek help outside oneself, when as often the problem lies within. Still peace and enlightenment are often elusive and false gods abound.

One such duplicitous deity is AI. I must admit that I myself have been AI-curious. This post exhibits several instances of its use. The original photo above and on the left was first taken at the Royal Ontario Museum. Processing through Photoshop added the blue rays emanating from the statue. WordPress used this picture as a prompt and generated the associated video that for some reason paired Asian art with ancient Egyptian. A friend recently directed me to a new arrival to the ever-expanding AI pantheon, Halupedia is an interactive, satirical online encyclopedia where every article is generated on the spot by artificial intelligence. Instead of hosting a database of real knowledge, the website creates fake facts, fabricated scholars, and imaginary places, all written in a highly convincing, scholarly tone. The following is an example.

The Chauvinist Doctrine of Unnecessary Gesticulation emerged in the late 18th century, primarily within the hushed halls of academia and the increasingly formal salons of the era. Its foundational tenets proposed that any movement of the hands, arms, or torso beyond the absolute minimum required for subsistence constituted an affront to reason and a deliberate attempt to mislead the observer. Proponents argued that clear thought manifested in a still frame, and that any deviation was a sign of internal chaos or worse, a perfidious attempt to mask a lack of genuine intellect with performative dynamism.

Stochastic Parrots

Scarlet Macaws from Joy

Dr. Timnit Gebru’s most famous and controversial research paper is entitled On the Dangers of Stochastic Parrots: Can Language Models Be Too Big? Co-authored with Emily M. Bender in 2020. It is widely credited with coining the term “stochastic parrot” to describe modern Artificial Intelligence (AI). A stochastic parrot is a metaphor used to describe Large Language Models, such as ChatGPT or Claude. It suggests that while AI systems are remarkably good at generating fluent, human-like text, they do so purely by predicting word probabilities based on vast amounts of data—meaning they possess no true understanding of what they are actually saying. Gebru was working at Google then and was fired that same year from her position there as an AI ethicist, because she refused to pull her paper. A paper that predicted the problems that have been found with these models. Not a good look for the company whose motto was once don’t be evil.

Anne and I split wood together. Then after she completely finished her new chainmail sweater top, we went out to dinner at the Cozy Inn. This early in the season the place was pretty empty, except for the Piedmonts. Who were there in force. We were too late to join them at their table but got an invite for next week. After dinner, we nerded out with the Scripps Spelling Bee. We rooted for 12-year-old Logan Bailey until he fell with Quincke tube, an acoustic device used to demonstrate the interference of sound waves and calculate the speed of sound. Even throwing in a reference to K-Pop Demon Hunters did not help him. This is our kind of sporting event.

Speaking of Anne and AI, I would like to offer an alternative to artificial intelligence, Anne’s Intelligence. It is all natural, nothing artificial about it. The best thing about it is that it does not require a prompt to activate. It will tell you out-of-the-blue when you are doing something wrong. Like in, “Mark, don’t do that!” or “Polly wants a cracker.” You get the idea.

Commander of the Universe

Declan, Commander of the Universe

I am less than impressed with AI. Take for example the animated GIF imbedded in this post. I followed Google’s instructions for creating it. Basically, I wanted to merge the still JPEG background showing Declan playing at Dave’s computer with the cartoonish rocket ship bouncing up-and-down on the computer screen, so that it looks like the rocket is displayed on the screen. Following their instructions I ended up with an unwatchable version that shuddered back-and-forth between the background JPEG and the animated GIF. Like I said, it was unwatchable. Trying to watch it would surely trigger an epileptic fit.

I ended up using a flip card approach. A method that I’ve used before. The same method that Disney used to make Snow White, long ago enough that it is no longer copyrightable. Earlier this week I ran into a similar situation while trying to debug Anne’s iPhone. None of the AI instructions matched the menu trees that were actually on the phone. All of the talk of AI replacing humans I think is overblown. Tech companies who claim that they are doing this also happen to be the same companies that loaded up on employees during the pandemic and are only now shedding them using the convenient excuse of AI. Anyway, I finally got an image of Declan flying a spaceship.

Monkey Business

Monkey Business in STL

Saint Louis has made the news this week, but in a good way. National news reports that up to four vervet monkeys have been spotted loose on the streets of north Saint Louis. As this story was breaking AI images of these primates have circulated. The veracity of the underlying story has been verified by a police monkey sighting, but AI photos not only add levity, but also cast doubt. Saint Louis police have waived charges for the keeping of these animals.

Raking Leaves

AI Anne Furiously Raking Leaves

Before Thanksgiving, when we last went to Ann Arbor all of the leaves were still on the trees. When we came back home, they were all on the ground. They have sat there until this week. For part of that time the leaves were buried under 9″ of snow, which soon melted, but not before I snow shoveled them around some. For most of that time they served to obstruct the walkways. With the return of warmer, drier weather Anne and I got out there and raked most of the leaves onto the parking strip. Where they still sit awaiting the city’s leaf removal service. 

Ra-Ta-Tum-Tum-Tum

AI Little Dummer Boy

There is a game that I play at this time of year called the Little Dummer Boy Challenge. The object of this game is to not hear the Christmas song by the same name, between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am honor bound to tell you that this year I lost. Over the last few seasons, I have been doing pretty well, but this year I failed hard. It is a stupid game. The song is really not that bad. True the little drummer boy is a mythical character inserted into a religious story of great significance, but so what. Anyway, there is always next year. I’ll just have to husband what hipster mojo that I can muster until then.