What Are We Having For Christmas Dinner?
“”Package Alert, Package Alert”, I would call-out at this time of year, when we got home. Many years ago, when the boys were still small, I would pick them up at the end of the workday from Martha Rounds Academy. On the way home, I would detour by some of the local Christmas light hotspots, calling out “Christmas Light Alert, Christmas Light Alert”. Through the rearview mirror, I saw the reflected awe upon their little faces, colored by the passing lights. Arriving home, I always managed to spy the package on the front porch first. As soon as I had cut the engine I would cry out, “Package Alert, Package Alert”.
Initially this would aid in the disembarking process, the boys would explode out of the car in their excitement. This gave me time to gather all of the flotsam and jetsam that traipsed into the house during those years. The problem was negotiating the front door. Arms full, I had to step around two boys who were busy pawing at the latest cardboard monolith erected upon our front door step. I don’t know what they were trying to do. Their tiny hands could have never penetrated the reams of packing tape that encase these artifacts. Maybe through some now long forgotten sense, they could feel the goodness within.
Somehow, I, the boys, the package and all of the rest would make it inside. Then came their question, “Can we open it?” They already knew the answer even before I gave it, “Let’s wait until Mom gets home and then we’ll see.” This usually broke the spell and off they ran to their usual pursuits. Occasionally, depending on the package and only after the Mom-a-sarus came home, we would bust open the cardboard box. If the sender was a notorious wrapper (not rapper) then we ‘rents knew that the secrecy of the gift would be preserved until Christmas. This faux concession only served to reignite the frenzy that was acted out on the door step. Still, it was fun to watch.
Monday night, two packages arrived. Jay and Carl’s present was waiting on the front porch just as in days of yore. Alas, there were no small children in the car to tease, only me. Read that last phrase as you will. It is just not the same. Even though these two are notorius wrappers, we’ll likely leave it boxed until we get our tree and the once little boys return home again.
The other package arrived after we were both home. There was a knock at the door, but no one was there. It could have been Santa, except that his sleigh sounded more like a UPS truck than eight tiny reindeer. The package was marked perishable, refrigerate. This is the other exception to the do not open until Christmas rule. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a shrink wrapped pallet, and seven giant food baskets. As you can see from the picture above, they fill our refrigerator. Thank you, Kathy and Frank!
Janet Leigh’s hand from the shower scene in Psycho displayed on the big screen at the EMP
Anne had her hand surgery on Thursday. According to the surgeon, everything went well and Anne should retain at least 90% of her original range of motion. She now has two pins in her right pinky. They’ll remain for a month. When the surgeon showed me the instant X-rays, not to be confused with Instagram, it showed two knitting needle long pins crossed within her little finger. He said that he clipped them and his do not open until Christmas, gauze bandages tend to corroborate this. Even so, two pairs of Frankenstein like bolts will protrude through the skin.
Throughout Anne’s ordeal, I was amazed at the thorough and comprehensive nature of her medical treatment. This is the first time that either of us have been involved in such an invasive procedure, silver snake rides aside. There must have been a dozen people who attended to her. After this experience there is no doubt in my mind why healthcare costs have increased so much.
As movie officiandoes should have noticed, I PhotoShopped the image of Janet Leigh’s hand. In the movie she used her left hand for this shot, but Anne injured her right hand. A good body double needs to be able to subsume her identity to the person they are substituting.
Scopitone was a 1960s era type of jukebox featuring a 16 mm film component. Scopitone films were a forerunner of modern music videos. The first Scopitones were made in France. I became aware of these videos through my brother-in-law Carl. He first showed me them last September while we were busily preparing to travel to Lopez Island for Robyn’s wedding. I don’t know if Carl was nervous about traveling there, but I was. We watched his Scopitone music videos, as a sort of pre-game warm-up exercise. He later sent us the DVD. “Pussy Cat A Go Go”, performed by Stacy Adams and the Rockabily Boys, was the first video on the disk. Yes it is plainly misogynistic, but it is also a product of it’s time, plus it’s French. The second video, “What I Say”, by Sylvie Vartan is not sexist, but it is even more French, Est ce Que Tu Le Sais.
Beaded Jaguar
Toonces, the Driving Cat is a fictional sketch character from Saturday Night Live. Created by SNL writer Jack Handey, Toonces was the family pet of Lyle (Dana Carvey) and Brenda Clark (Victoria Jackson), a couple who would allow their cat to drive the family car. At first, they were delighted that their cat had such an ability, but were always horrified to discover (too late) that Toonces was actually not a good driver. Inevitably, Toonces would drive the car over a cliff. This sequence was characterized by someone in the car yelling “Toonces, look out!”, followed by stock footage of the car sailing off a cliff. – per Wiki
Obama wins the election, the stock market pulls a temper tantrum and Republican congressional leadership returns to the mike after remaining silent for months. A lame duck session of Congress is in the offering, with the main agenda item on the table being the fiscal cliff.
The so-called fiscal cliff is really a series of escarpments. Broken down this precipice encompasses several parts. First, there is sequestration, the compromise from last year’s debt ceiling deal. Sequestration would cut the federal budget, but the main complaint about it is that it will cut as with a maul and not with the prefered scalpel. Second, are the payroll tax cut that were implemented to stimulate the economy and an extension to unemployment benefits. Finally, there are the Bush-era tax cuts.
It is generally agreed that allowing all of these tax and spending changes to occur would be a bad thing. It could possibly lead us back into another recession. There is the rub though. As a loyal American only wishing the best for my country I would whole heartedly endorse such a deal. Except that we will be dealing again with the very same tricksters, who for the past two years have done nothing, except to our obstruct government.
Once you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow – Chuck Colson, Nixon consul
The Republicans have proved themselves way too adept at spinning these sometimes too arcane financial debates. The Democrats just can’t seem to hold their own water when it comes to debates like this. I have a simple prescription, let Toonces drive. Let’s dive off this fiscal cliff. Come late January, when the new Congress is sworn in, they can address these problems properly.
Except they won’t be the same problems. The Democrats won’t be arguing to raise taxes on the rich that will have already been done. Instead, the Dem’s might even exceed to an upper class tax cut, albeit a small one. Budget cuts will have been already made, we will just leven them with some intelligence. We’ll want to cut middle class taxes too. The markets will gyrate, but in the end rebalance. Is this not a Grover Norquist dystopian future?
To the more milk toast of my Demo brothers and sisters, I offer the following sop, Toonces in a happier younger time. I also want to offer a belated Happy Birthday to Dr. Alice. This blog has totally gone to the dogs. I mean cats.
I hope that you enjoyed last night’s long night, the unofficial longest night of the year. My question to my hipsters readers is, when you are actually up last night at 3 AM, did you travel back in time an hour? If so, was I snoring both times?