Your Wife Is HOT!

Felt Cardinal Insignia, 1909-1917

Felt Cardinal Insignia, 1909-1917

Your Wife Is HOT!
That’s Your Problem.
Call Acme Heating and Cooling.

The above joke was the gist of an advert that I saw at the ballpark on Monday. I thought it was funny then, but not so much today. I awoke this morning at five, because it was hot inside. Sometime during the night the central air unit had died. It is about twenty years old now, so it’s getting on in years. I figured that getting an air conditioner repairman out on a hot day like today was supposed to be would be no mean feat. So, I went down to the basement and started dragging one of the window units that have been sitting down there up the basement stairs. This hubbub woke Anne up. I told her that the air conditioner was broken and that I was going to install this window unit in the dining room, so that she wouldn’t die of heat frustration, while waiting for the repairman.

Now it is time for some toilet talk. About this time we discovered that the toilet was backed up. “Not me”, said he. “Not me”, said she. I plunged and snaked the toilet and got it working again. Stupid no flow toilet. I understand that some parts of this country have got to ration water, but I live twenty miles from the confluence of the Mississippi and Missouri Rivers. Our problems with water usually involve having too much of it, not having not enough.

Anne helped me lift the unit onto the window sill and we got it installed and running without further problem, except that somewhere in this process of manhandling the air conditioner I cut myself in the crook of my arm. This later led to me later getting blood on my brand new shirt that I had bought yesterday for today’s big meetings. So, the window unit was working. It was cooling things down. I was doubtful though that it would keep up with the coming heat load throughout the day, but it was the best that I could do. It was still too early to raise a repairman, so off to work I went.

After eight, I sat down to try to find an available air conditioner repairman, which I figured would be about as easy as finding an ice-cube in the desert. However, my very first phone call elicited a promise to send a ‘technician’ out in a few hours. I called Anne to tell her the news. Since she had a few hours to wait, she was going to take a shower. A minute after I got off the phone with Anne the heating and cooling company called me back. They had had a cancellation and could we see their man in half an hour? I said yes and then called Anne back again to warn her to wait on the shower. An hour later and $600 poorer, things were cooling off again at the old homestead.

Customer: What are you doing?
AC Tech: I’m charging the system.
Customer: So I don’t have to pay?

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