Hey Chad, how’s it hanging? Want to come hangout with me? Hi, I’m a cute, young and highly desirable poll worker and I really want you, more particularly, I want your vote. I’m available all day, on say the first Tuesday in November? Does this work for you? No appointment is necessary. Please, just drop by my precinct. I would luv for you to stuff my ballot box. Hee-Hee. I don’t know which way you like to swing, Republican, Democrat or even Independent? I’m easy, any of them works for me. I can hardly wait to get you alone in the voting booth.
I live alone with my Grandma, who I dearly love, but she is really strict. She never lets me go out. She is the one that got me into being an election official. She’s been doing it for centuries. She started dragging me along with her after this one time, this one election, when I, well let’s not go into that. It was really boring hanging out all day with a bunch of old people, while even more old people shuffled-in and shuffled-out all day. I never did much there, but she liked it, because she could keep an eye on me. But see now there is this Covid thing going on and it really does a number on old people. So, I say, Grandma you should stay home this election. I can do the work at the polls for you. I’ll be safe, you’ll be safe and you will know where I am all day, win-win, and she bought it!
Lets party! I got a bunch of my gurls to join me. I put together a great team, all except for this one. She goes to Michigan and wants to get all political. Says like it is our civic duty or something. Please! I tried beating her off, but she’ll be there. Still, I have a great crew working those poles for you. So, let’s get down! You’re not going to leave me hanging are you? Chad, can I count your vote?
—Thanks for the card, Carl!