Master of All He Surveys

I’m not trying to usurp any authority from TMOTU (The Master of the Universe), also know as Mr. Bill. He should have just returned to work today after last night’s settlement of the government shutdown kerfuffle. Besides, he would look better than me in a gold lamé shorts, IMHO. Instead, I am asserting not so much my authority over as my irritation with AT&T. Recently, we switched from their DSL (Dinosaur Slow Linkage) to AT&T’s U-verse service. I must say that I have been quite happy with this new service. My only other complaint, before I get to my real gripe, is that I wish that the rest of the Internet would pick up the pace, so that all my favorite websites would load even faster. No, my real complaint is with the complexity of AT&T billing. It really doesn’t have to be this hard. Maybe if they spent less time helping the NSA, they might be able to streamline their account management system?

I’m one of their most valued customers; at least that is what they always tell me. I should be, what with all the money that I send them every month. Last month I finally succumbed to their incessant pestering and upgraded from DSL to U-verse. We also switched over the landline, but decided not to bundle in the TV. Now they continue to pester me for the TV service. Will they ever be satisfied? I guess that if you give in once to extortionists, it only encourages them more.

I began to suspect that all was not right in the U-verse, when dunning messages began to appear on our voicemail. The kicker was when I got my latest AT&T bill. It showed a full credit for the amount of my regular DSL payment. I figured then that they must have switched the accounts. I was surprised that they did this, because they never did it when we first added the DSL and they never did it when Southwestern Bell became part of AT&T. But I figured out that the must have done it this time.

Now what to do about it? Now comes the sad, sorted and rather tedious portion of this story. Suffice to say, I finally figured out that I now have four separate AT&T logins. I used to have only two, or one too many.

• Email
• U-verse
• iPhone
• Landline

All except for the first used machine generated IDs and passwords that is to say gobbledygook. I paid the bill, got rid of the gobbledygook and ascertained that my DSL credit refund check was in the mail. It arrived today. This is the where my claim for being Master of the U-verse originated, but just like the ‘real’ Master of the Universe, I will likely face new challenges in my next TV episode, like the upcoming saga of next month’s bill.