American Zombies

Protesting Zombies—Brains! We want brains. Give us some brains.

Ever wonder if you were surrounded by zombies? This picture from this week’s news shows two women doing their impression of Edvard Munch’s The Scream, two men donning Trump paraphernalia and some joker in a Guy Fawkes mask. Are these the faces of the resistance? Or are they deplorable signs of the coming next pandemic—The zombie apocalypse. It is no wonder that this photo went viral, they’re comical looking, like some B-movie extras, moaning and yelling.

I could while away the hours
Conferring with the flowers,
Consulting with the rain;
And my head I’d be a scratching
While my thoughts are busy hatching
If I only had a brain.

In zombie movies, brains always seem to be in short supply. People who were once people hunger for them and not having any of their own want other’s. This week, anti-social distancing protests erupted in the Midwest. Protesters who displayed no fear for their own health or safety and no concern what-so-ever about the health or safety of others, gathered in Michigan and Ohio, six feet separations be damned. What could go wrong? It is only a pandemic after all. You can take away my life, but you can never take away my freedum!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Abby who?
Igor: Abby… Normal. Yes that’s it, Abby Normal!
Frankenstein: You put an abnormal brain in a 7′ tall, 54″ wide gorilla?

Meanwhile, the man who has never taken responsibility for anything, ever, eggs on these brainless fools with tweets like, “Liberate Michigan!” Except he shouts it in all caps, because nothing makes a point clearer than simply shouting your idea louder. Why are these people demanding that we reopen the economy, by Easter, by May 1st, immediately? Correct me if I’m wrong, but was it not only just yesterday that some 4,591 Americans died from the Coronavirus? Our largest single day death toll, at least so far, but go ahead throw open the barroom doors, we’ll party like there is no tomorrow, which for all too many will be true.

Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Phil, Dr. Howard!

Last night, Fox News’s Laura Ingraham had on her show our nation’s eminent epidemiologist Dr. Fauci, but because she couldn’t maneuver him into any gotcha quotes, she chose to seek a second opinion. Enter Dr. Phil, who is not a real doctor, but plays one on TV. The gist of Mr. Phil’s argument was, people die all the time and life goes on. So, let’s get on with it. Let’s reopen the economy now. Sure people will die as a result, but they were going to die anyway. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough, at least for Phil.

Sometimes in life, you have to do what you should do, not what you want to do. Sometimes in life that means making tough decisions, sticking to them and then doing it all over again tomorrow and the day after that. Sometimes life is all sunny and bright, but sometimes it is stormy. This is one of those stormy times. Don’t be stupid and stand outside howling at the rain. Come inside, where it is warm and dry. Take up a hobby. Read a book. Relax and chill. Eat some brains.

2 thoughts on “American Zombies

Leave a Reply