Fire and Ice

Dear Greg,

I know that today is Pi Day, but your NYT Op-Ed was a real pie in my face. To say that I was hurt is an understatement. I feel like a mother, who has been spurned by a thankless child. Twelve years? It seems so much shorter than that. I can remember first meeting you on that warm summer’s day, your first day on the job, a still wet behind the ears intern. I plucked you out of obscurity, mentored you, nurtured you, and this is how you repay my love?

A couple of years ago, when you moved away to London, I felt something was wrong. I tried to get you to speak with me, to open up, but you were already on your own trajectory. I wish now that then we could have talked. In the intervening two-years, our relationship has turned from one of respect, to one as toxic as I have ever seen.

Frankly, I don’t understand your going on-and-on about corporate culture. Goldman Sachs just stinks of culture. We have the best symphony, ballet and the opera seats that money can buy. Another thing, what’s wrong with Muppets. They’re lovable creatures. I get as emo about Elmo, as I do our customers. Are you some sort of [expletive deleted] culture warrior?

What is all of this talk about ax murders, or executing axes? [persuading clients to buy stocks that Goldman is trying to rid] My friends at RegenAxe take a personal exception to this kind of talk. You talk about hunting elephants [get clients to trade whatever, for Goldman’s biggest profit], but isn’t that the same as executing axes? This sounds like double indemnity to me. See I know some street jargon too. Then you go on about illiquid products and three-letter acronyms. First, illiquid is not illegal. Second, SEC, FBI, CIA, DEA are all three-letter acronyms, we do not trade any of these assets. They are the crown jewels of our portfolio.

All this being said, I understand and respect your opinions. Any criticism that you might have intended, will not be taken. If we part not as bosom buddies, than at least as colleagues. So, don’t let the [expletive deleted] door hit you on the way out!

Your best friend forever,
Lloyd C. Blankfein
CEO Goldman Sachs

PS – I hope that you [deleted] burn in hell forever.

An unnamed source approached RegenAxe, because he wanted, “a small, but reputable website, without too much exposure, so that this already too public story wouldn’t become even more so.” His words. We at RegenAxe were pleased to oblige. Not! We made this up of whole cloth. 😉