No Eye Deer

The Merced River with the Upper Yosemite Falls in the Background

The Merced River with the Upper Yosemite Falls in the Background

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $4.29, but deer nuts are always under a buck.

I was in Starbuck last morning. I was in line to place my order, when I saw a uniformed police women waiting for her beverage to be made. I looked at her, but I didn’t want to eyeball her, but she looked like the police detective from last week’s trial. Someone, who I definitely don’t want to meet again. She had the same height, weight, hair and face as that detective, but she was in a Clayton police officer’s uniform and the detective was a county cop. I related this episode to my friend, whose nom de guerre is the Perma-Bear and he had a scary thought, “Maybe she is her sister?”

Two lawyers were out hunting,
When they came upon a pair of tracks.
They stopped and examined the tracks closely.

The first lawyer announced,
“Those are deer tracks.
It’s deer season,
So we should follow the tracks
And find our prey.”

The second lawyer responded,
“Those are clearly elk tracks,
And elk are out of season.
If we follow your advice,
We’ll waste the day.”

Each attorney believed himself,
The Superior woodsman,
And they both bitterly stuck to their guns.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

I don’t understand why people tend to get their undies all in a bunch at this time of year. I understand that it is the end of the calendar year, but their will be a 2013. Maybe, everyone is holding with the Mayan calendar’s end of the world prediction. If so, then there will be a lot of people doing some emergency Christmas shopping on December 22nd. No, this end of the year angst is perennial.

Some of it is business driven, books must be balanced. Some of it is driven by the frenetic activity burgeoned upon us, by the ever flourishing holiday season. Note, I did not attack Christmas here. I think that the end of a calendar year psychologically causes us to hold ourselves to account, both real and unreal. I’m not saying that taking stock is a bad thing. Quite the contrary, but I am arguing against taking ourselves to the stocks. I hope my humor has helped, but ultimately, I have no idea, my dear.

When I breezed into the office last morning, I overheard my boss posing the following joke. I got there too late to hear the send up, but I thought that it was still worth relating. I’m sure that it was his response to some question that he could not answer. I thought that it was funny.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Predators and Prey

White-topped Pitcher Plant

White-topped Pitcher Plant

Pitcher plants are carnivorous plants whose prey-trapping mechanism features a deep cavity filled with liquid. This is known as a pitfall trap. Insects such as flies are attracted to the cavity formed by the cupped leaf, often by visual lures and nectar bribes. When moistened by condensation or nectar, the rim of the pitcher is slippery, causing insects to fall into the trap. Liquid contained within the pitcher traps drown the insect, and their bodies are gradually dissolved. This particular Pitcher plant was found in the Mediterranean House at the Missouri Botanical Gardens.

Speaking of prey, Commerce our everyday bank, has settled a class action lawsuit and Dave, Anne and I are in their preyed upon class. According to the notification that we received, Commerce improperly posted debt card transactions from highest to lowest dollar amount to increase the number of overdraft fees charged to customers. We three have all been negligent of not studiously monitoring our bank account balances, but I can remember one weekend trip from Rochester to Toronto that Dave made. He had miscalculated his available funds, but because he was on holiday he was freer than normal with his debit card. There were several hundred dollars in overdraft fees and all for a sum total that was less than a single fee. Here is an example; Dave would purchase a candy bar for $1.39. Commerce charged a $25 overdraft fee for that transaction. We’re not done though; because this was an international transaction a few cents transaction fee was also charged, along with its own $25 overdraft fee. This pairing was repeated way too many times and all for less overdrawn money than a single overdraft fee.

The bank robber, John Dillinger was once famously asked why he robbed banks. “Because that’s where the money is”, was his reply. Dillinger used guns to steal with, but his theft only ran into the thousands. According to our notification, Commerce is on the hook for $18.3M in settlements. 30% of this settlement goes to the lawyers, but that still leaves over $12M in damages. Our actual damages were not so great, but if there are also punitive damages, cha-ching!

Herd Immunity

Thermonuclear Monterey Sunset

Thermonuclear Monterey Sunset

Saturday’s relatively balmy temperatures are now a thing of the past. In their place winter has installed itself, along with a bone freezing chill. This week’s chill is both external and weather derived, but just around the corner is the season of internal chills and pains, the season of the grippe, flu season. The CDC is forecasting an early start to this year’s flu season. Five southern states have already reported influenza outbreaks. It is also predicting a nasty flu season this year. The N3H2 strain of avian flu seems to be dominant. While flu vaccines are still plentiful, over 90% of the available supply has already been distributed. I got my vaccine last month and after a bit of badgering from yours truly, Anne got hers last weekend. So we are now protected, are you?

Thermonuclear war, pestilence and semis barreling down on unsuspecting baby ducklings, how more scary can this be?This world now seems a whole lot scarier place than it use to be when I was a child. Back then, Mom would read to me Robert McCloskey’s “Make Way For Ducklings”. Maybe if we stick together and look out for one another, we’ll make it through the day, through this winter and across the road.

Make Way For Ducklings, Robert McCloskey

Make Way For Ducklings, Robert McCloskey