Jane has been pestering me for a list. She wants a little list, a very little list, a list of gift ideas for Jane that maybe Santa missed. She drew short straw this year and picked the man who has everything and wants almost nothing, no, not Harry, me. Maybe, I should clarify what I mean by almost nothing. I mean almost nothing affordable, practical or obtainable. I’ve already asked her for an iPad II, but in these uncertain times, I should be willing to settle for an ordinary iPad, but since she has already said that that is not going to happen, why bother trying to be reasonable. I didn’t ask her for this, but somehow she misconstrued last Sunday’s post as a request for a real live F/A-18B Hornet fighter jet, in Blue Angels colors, with my named stenciled on the side. I’ll go on the record that this is a perfectly acceptable gift, with just one caveat. I’ll also need a hanger to put it in, because it is way too big to fit in the driveway, but it would look so awesomely cool there! Maybe it would fit if we cut the last maple tree down? Jane, I’ll take you for a ride.

I married into a family that exchanges gift lists before Christmas. When I was first invited into this family circle, I thought that this practice was rather strange. My family certainly never practiced it. When my brothers and I were just boys, there was never a need to ask for a Christmas list. We were always so full of ideas that my parents were inundated with them. When we grew older and more reticent there still was no solicitation of gift ideas. We got clothes and money, clothes were what we needed and money is what we wanted. It worked out quite well. The in-law’s practice of providing a list of gift ideas certainly made Christmas shopping for them easier. There was just one problem; you were expected to provide them a list of gift ideas for yourself, and they always wanted it so early.

My wife just poked her head in, peeked over my shoulder and asked if I was making fun of her sister. She got her haircut today and I noticed, because I got mine cut too. She asked me if I thought it looked like Mia Farrow’s, like waif like. To which I replied that it looked positively waify. See, I’m not just picking on your sister. After this chicanery, I guess that it is time to get down to business, here’s my list:

1. Benjamins (‘000)
2. Socks (Not engineer white, try bike socks, they always look so professional in meeting when I cross my legs)
3. Prius (I know I have one, but it’s not paid for)
4. Furnace (ditto)
5. A shirt (button-down, short/long sleeve, 17/32, ask your mother, I like the ones she gets me)
6. An $80M+ winning Powerball ticket (I’ll share)
7. A book, “Three Men in a Boat” (funnier than me)

Whew, that was tough! But don’t you see Jane, the more things change, the more they remain the same, clothes and money, that’s the way I was raised, and a book for you, I mean me. I hope that this helps, it wasn’t meant to hurt. 😉