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Floating mountains, bio-luminescent foliage, ten-foot tall blue cat people and all in 3D, this is Avatar. James Cameron, self-crowned King of the World after his movie Titanic, is the creator of Avatar and is now hankering to be crowned The Master of the Universe. Look out Bill! He wrote, directed and produced the movie, Avatar. This makes this movie his own very personal movie, albeit on an industrial scale. So what does two to three-hundred-million dollars buy these days in Hollywood? My crack team of movie reviewers, Winnie the Pooh of The Disney Corporation A. A. Milne and Ray Paffutelli formerly of Blockbuster Videos will let you know:
RAY: Would you believe that they let me go? I was only squeaking for more fresh lettuce.
POOH: Ah hem, Ray, I must say that those 3D glasses really look good on you.
RAY: Back at you Pooh, those glasses really accentuate your beady eyes.
POOH: So Avatar, what did you think Ray?
RAY: Not enough rodents, in fact there weren’t any rodents that I can recall, at least none with speaking parts.
POOH: But Ray, the story was set on Pandora an alien world. Why would you expect to see rodents on some other world. Anyway, enough with this rodent crap! We have been down this rat hole before. Now, say something constructive.
RAY: All the bad guys were Americans.
POOH: That’s not what I meant, but you do have a point. Although, all the good guy humans were American too.
RAY: In real life, does Sigourney Weaver smoke as much as she did in the movie? I mean if she does, she is so going to die!
POOH: I’m sure it was just acting. (cough, cough) Ray, this is a movie review, try say something meaningful about the movie.
RAY: Well, ya know how like ten years ago everyone was all like Lady GaGa about the movie The Matrix. People went on and on about how great the special effects in that movie were and how profound it all was. But it was just so dot-com, so Y2K, just a big bubble that needed to pop. I mean it was supposedly all about the internet. Heck, it was the internet with just dial-up access, literally, it even still used rotary dialing. Avatar is definitely broadband. It was so lush and green, I just ate it up.
POOH: Ya know Ray, we can’t go back to that theater anymore because of what you did. You chewed up their movie screen.
RAY: It was the 3D. The 3D made me do it. The 3D made all those plants look oh so fine. Maybe we shouldn’t have sat in the first row, heh?
POOH: This movie review does not seem to be going anywhere and it doesn’t seem to make much sense either.
RAY: I blame the blogger. I bet James Cameron is today’s guest blogger, only he could write dialog that is this insipid.
RAY: So how come this post is entitled, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”?
POOH: On that’s just the Marquis exercising his “artistic” tendencies. It just a reference to Cameron’s favorite movie.
RAY: I think that it should be called “Dances with the Blue Man Group”.
POOH: Why is that, Rey?
RAY: It is Ray not Rey!
POOH: Me bad.
RAY: I think this post should be called “Dances with the Blue Man Group”, because the movie was so like Dance with Wolves, only with ten foot tall blue people instead of Native Americans and I like the Blue Man Group.
POOH: Alright then. OK Ray, moment of truth.
RAY: I loved it!
POOH: Me too. Avatar, you are through to the next sequel.
RAY: Pooh, do these glasses make my butt look bigger?
POOH: Nothing could make your butt look any bigger.
RAY: I just wish that I had one of those pony-tails or maybe even a regular tail.
POOH: In honor of the blue people, today’s header features a blue moon.
I’m going to see Avatar tomorrow, although it pains me to put any $$ into James Cameron’s pocket — he strikes me as an arrogant a$$. But I’m going to a matinee so I’ll minimize the $$ hit.
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