Quarantine the Gumbug, Amelia Opdycke Jones, 1948

Pants, sure they’re uncomfortable, but I wear them while out in public. Not just for me, but also for you. So, you should wear them too and wear a mask while you’re at it—While we have been in lockdown, Anne has been delving into her ancestry. She has made contact with a long lost second cousin who also shares this passion. They have been corresponding regularly, exchanging memories and old photos of their collective ancestors. Add to this mix Dave’s fiancé’s father, who is also interested in the study of genealogy. He seems skilled in this subject and has already discovered numerous historical documents pertaining to Anne’s family—If you wear a mask, it does little good to wear it all Kilroy Was Here, with your nose sticking out above it. If I ever attempt to wear my mask like that, Anne always says, “I hope that you don’t wear your underwear like that.”—If Anne ever discovers any new (to her) fact about any of her ancestors, she is eager to relate it to me. Case in point, her Aunt Tifa. Supposedly, she once came to visit us and then trying to find the bathroom in the dark, she stumbled and knocked over a Lego police station that was on the living room floor. I don’t remember any of this, maybe I was out-of-town. Anyway it caused quite the riot. Police were called, teargas, the whole nine yards, but heck that’s family.